A Quick Chat with Haydn Lawson
How did this body of work come about?
My whole life I have wanted to release music, but never knew if I would make that dream a reality. This album is my evidence of how far I have come, and the art I am able to create when I allow myself to. As a teen I spent countless days writing crude demos that for years were only heard by my own ears. This album exists as something tangible that I can hold close and share with those who want a peak into my past and how i’ve changed as a person.
‘Nail Biter’ is a chronological retelling of my life around 2022-2023. Each song peaks into my mental state along my journey, sharing authentic anecdotes and intense feelings. Stories about breaking free of a toxic relationship, finding new love, moving away from home, and getting older. The album begins at a place where I am much younger and vulnerable. It shows the trauma of being manipulated and the journey of unlearning and rediscovering my own self worth. The second half of the album is written from a grown and matured point of view, after I left my past life behind and moved East. I write to my family, my mother, and reflect on childhood memories. I speak to my younger self and reassure him that things will get better, that he is deserving of love, and he can achieve those dreams he never thought were possible. The whole album writing process was therapeutic, cathartic, and incredibly fulfilling. I was watching a dream come alive in real time.
Every song began as a humble bedroom demo with laptop vocals atop guitar played by my friend Salvador Peralta. I began to start reaching out to mutual musicians and friends-of-friends in the local scene. I was surprised and touched by how many were keen to work together and expand these songs into something much more grand. I never would’ve expected this album to evolve into such a large scale collaboration! I produced every track myself, as slowly began replacing midi demos with live percussion, brass, strings, etc. Taking it slow and allowing the process inform the final product. As I added a new instrument to one track, I explored ways that I could incorporate it across the others. Notable features include a choir organised by Melbourne Musician Imogen Cygler, the talents of many orchestral musicians from Forest Collective introduced through conductor Evan Lawson, and two cover songs written by Salvador Peralta, and Banjo Lucia
What inspires your sound?
During the creation of the album, one of my biggest inspirations was Kara Jackson. I was in love with her creative process, writing poems and then building indie accompaniments that bought them to life. Prioritising the story and using the music as the vehicle to convey it, not bound by traditional song structures. Towards the later stages of the album, Saya Grey became a big inspiration too. The way she weaves electronic production into folk and acoustic instrumentation. Other influences I had during the writing process involve Lianna La Havas, Weyes Blood and Lucy Dacus. The latter of which being another large inspiration for lyricism and song writing.
Given the tracks were anecdotal, I would create playlists with songs that I felt strongly attached to at various posts of my life, trying to get back in the headspace of those moments. Where happier/ optimistic moments feature acoustic guitars, warm brass, upbeat tempos. While the more vulnerable and hurting moments are portrayed over live strings, harp, and atmospheric synths. Or triumphant and bold tracks like ‘110’ or ‘Nullarbor’ feature intense electric guitars and drums. I was as intentional with my production as I was with my lyricisms, not one detail was overlooked.
How did you come up with the visual world for the album?
Once the album started to take shape, I began to brainstorm ways that I wanted to visually capture my story. Since all the songs were very anecdotal, it made the most sense for me to channel imagery from life and childhood. All of the visuals were (for the most part) created and designed by myself and my boyfriend Jackson. We are both creative creatures with differing expertise, and we combined our strengths to make this art together. We created almost every single cover and promotional video together.
Every video shoot and photoshoot served as opportunity for world-building. For the first single ‘The Days to Come,’ we captured footage of myself motocross riding and playing baseball to emulate the life of my father and grandfathers. Channelling the memories I have of them as I sing about a future following in their footsteps. For the second single ‘Nullarbor,’ we travelled into the outback to capture the exact environments I traversed when leaving Perth and driving to Melbourne.
For the title track ‘Nail Biter,’ we took a more sinister and artistic approach to capture the intense lyrics and alternative production. Channeling our love for the horror genre and Jackson’s talent for creating dark and sometimes disturbing portraiture. We collaborated with Perth photographer Ezra Alcantra to help bring this shoot to life. For the last single ‘110,’ we filmed at dusk in the Dandenong ranges, creating a scene of a car incident. Using fog and colourful lighting to create a surreal scene, wearing a signature ‘Haydn’ blue race suit. The single cover was taken by my good friend Young Ha Kim from @painted.sun.in.abstract. I approached Young because I knew I wanted this song to be captured in a car wreckers, a place that exists because of carnage and destruction. He was able to capture an image of me jumping over a wrecked car, symbolically conquering this traumatic moment of my past.
For the cover of the album, I enlisted the creative talented of my good friend and photographer Jarrad Levy. Jarrad and I knew each other through the queer club and drag scene in Perth. I had a very particular vision for the album cover after being inspired by the artwork of Hayley Chi Hay Chiu (@hay.chiu). Hayley creates artwork exploring the “journey of continuous becoming and the search for “home.” I connected to her depictions a body existing as a part of it’s environment, blurring the edges between myself and the places I occupy. The photo was taken in front of the trams at Melbourne’s Flinder’s Street Station, connecting myself to the city I now call home. Furthermore, I am wearing a jersey from the Napoli football team. A jersey given to me by my mother from my Nonno’s home town. I wanted to wear this as a representation of my history within the place I now reside.
What do you hope listeners will get out of the album?
I am obsessed with the idea that no single person in my life has complete or holistic understanding of who I am, my past, and my experiences. No one in Melbourne knows the person I was in Perth, and those I knew in Perth have a different memory to who I am now, and so on. The only person with a full understanding of Haydn Lawson is myself. I wanted to create this project as a time capsule of myself, something someone can listen to and know exactly who I am, exactly what I have experienced and how that shaped me as a person. I was so obsessive over the lyrical content and composition of this album as I wanted it to be the most accurate translation of ‘me.’ I hope people can find connection with my story, be able to relate in some kind of way to my own trauma, self discovery and exploration of identity.
Your mum features on the album. Was she nervous about being on there?
My mumma Big Cath was such a gem during this process. I have a soft spot for interludes/ features that include dialogue over instrumental. Projects that come to mind are Ctrl by SZA, or many tracks by Solange.
I contacted her asking to feature on my album, but I doubt she knew how front and centre she would be. The recording process was very casual, and I wanted it to be that way. I called her, asked if I could record and then spoke for minutes on end. Just open discussion about how she felt about her youngest son moving away, pursuing music, getting older, etc. Afterwards I reviewed our conversation, and pulled the most meaningful moments to accompany the narrative I was conveying in my songs.
I feel that people really connect with these intimate moments, and our conversations are the final touch for an album which so deeply explores identity, growth and family. Some other tracks like ‘Memories’ and ‘Little Boy’ also feature recordings of my mum and other family members, but in a different way. I added clips from my childhood videos that I dug up. I stylised it with a boat load of reverb and effects to emulate fleeting memories coming in and out of focus.
Your lyrics are really raw and open with deep personal stories. How was it putting pen to paper to open about this?
With such raw and personal stories, it required me to dig into parts of my mind I had definitely blocked off. Looking inward, reflecting, and speaking to those close to me to get recollection of times past.
With every song, I had a core story and/or point in my life that I wanted to write about. I wrote and edited over and over and over again to find the exact way I wanted to share them, and cut demos that didn’t meet my standards. I spent every waking moment obsessing over wording, recording voice memos, and drafting until I knew that what I had written is the direct translation of my internal feelings. I would meet with my friends who shared similar inspirations to get outside opinions on my lyrics and song structure.
What's next for you?
I am very excited to announce that I am performing all of Nail Biter live at the Nail Biter Album Launch in May this year. It will be hosted at Merri Creek tavern alongside my incredible friends who feature on the studio version. Tickets and info are to be shared on my social media very soon, but watch this space!
And who are 3 Australian artists you're listening to right now?
Ninajirachi
2charmm
Madison Avenue